By Pauline Wallin, Ph.D
Author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming
Self-defeating Behavior"



"Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Easy Button for
life?"  This question is the tag line
to a TV commercial by the office supplies store, Staples. 

The ad depicts people in various predicaments, including a
bewildered boy called on by his teacher, a dad trying to
change two babies' diapers at the same time, and surgeons
about to perform an unfamiliar procedure.  Each of these
people, at the critical moment, pushes a big button with the
word, "Easy" written on it, to get them through a difficult
situation.  (Then, of course, you are reminded that doing
business with Staples is easy.)

This commercial got me thinking, "What if there were an Easy
Button for my inner brat?" Just one zap, and it's gone. 

I wish.  Unfortunately there is no sure-fire way to banish
the inner brat altogether. 

But there is one simple, yet powerful tool to stop the inner
brat dead in its tracks, especially when you're angry,
fuming, pouting, embarrassed or feeling jealous.  This tool
is the following sentence: 

"It's not about me."

Commit that sentence to memory.  It's going to come in
handy:
-- when people make sarcastic remarks
-- when they don't return your phone calls
-- when they brag about themselves
-- when they nag you
-- when they don't thank you for a gift or favor
-- when they take advantage of you

Zap.  "It's not about me."

All the situations listed above describe other people
behaving in a critical, demeaning or inconsiderate manner. 
You may happen to be the brunt of their inner brats, but
their behavior really reflects more about them than about
you.

Next time you are confronted with other people's rudeness,
remind yourself: "It's not about me."  Make that sentence
your "Easy Button."

How will this help?  By voicing the sentence to yourself,
you automatically shift perspective.  Your attention is
diverted away from you and your hurt feelings, so that you
can be more objective, and less prone to overreacting.  You
remain cool-headed.  Your inner brat has little chance of
taking over and ruining your day by dwelling unnecessarily
on the situation.

"It's not about me" works most of the time to calm you
down
when feeling hurt or insulted.  Occasionally, however, you
might need something extra to help shift your perspective. 
If so, follow up with this question: "Would I expect
anything else from this person?"  Your answer will likely be
"No, such behavior is quite characteristic of this person."

Once you shift your perspective, decide what you're going to
do about the other person's rude remark or behavior.  That
will vary, depending on the situation and the person.  In
any case, just the act of making a decision will reinforce
your feeling in control -- even if the decision is to do
nothing.

Now that you are armed with your own new Easy Button, you
are well prepared to keep other people's inner brats from
triggering your own.




Copyright Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. 2005. All rights reserved


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Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in Camp Hill, PA,
and author of "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for
Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" (Wildcat Canyon Press,
2004)

Visit http://www.innerbrat.com for more information, and
subscribe to her free, monthly Inner Brat Newsletter.