by Lael Johnson
Copyright 2005 Writer's Eye Advisory Service

Most people have mixed feelings about feeling and expressing
anger. Various influences suggest everything from practicing
extreme self-control, holding it all in (end result: stoicism)
to showing no boundaries about sharing anger at all(end result:
anarchy). Finding the middle ground is the place where you can
communicate feelings and the facts of a given situation, without
hurting or blaming the other party, and vice versa. When this
first scenario occurs, you are creating more space for positive
communication changes to occur. When communication is less than
ideal, continuing to express anger in old ways will reinforce
old habits., aggravating an already difficult situation.

I’m recommending the following journal exercises to assist you
in finding more positive ways to express your anger, and become
a better communicator. When I have shared my feelings, and the
other party has been receptive, I’ve been surprised at how calm
I became, compared to how uncomfortable, I felt prior to sharing
my feelings. I also have had some situations where I either
didn’t receive a response or the other party remained silent.
What is most important in any situation, is that I reached out
and began the process.

Here is the your exercise list:

ANGER SCRIBBLE: When you have a strong reaction to a situation,
start to pray and write about it. Remember to include a detailed
description of your strong feelings including the facts of the
situation. Remember to use as much space on a page as you can
when you scribble. After filling a page, choose one scribble,
and start drawing a specific shape over your scribble. Continue
to scribble over the shape until you are finished. (e.g. You may
feel tired or relieved. Your words may slow down or you may run
out of time to write.) When you notice any of these reactions,
it’s time to stop writing. Wait a few minutes for everything to
settle, then move to the next exercise. (Note: You may
substitute any ritual here if praying isn’t a good fit for you.)

UNSENT LETTERS: This exercise is an effective way to communicate
feelings and information to yourself or to someone else. You can
write unsent letters, when it might otherwise be hurtful to
speak directly to the other party(ies) You can also write unsent
letters on any topic (positive or negative). Unsent letters also
provide a great place to practice your lines. Whether you write
a series of unsent letters or one letter, your feelings will
become less intense. Then you can prepare to have a calm
conversation with the other party. You can write as many unsent
letters as you want. When you write your unsent letters, you
give yourself permission to feel the intense emotions that
surface around a specific event. At some point either during,
immediately or after you’ve written your letter, you will gain
clarity about your part in the situation. You will also learn to
evaluate your responsibility as well as the other party’s
responsibility in the same situation. When you are calm again,
you will be more prepared to make changes, including asking for
a more specific communication change from the other party. You
can continue to follow-up your unsent letters with prayers of
blessing for the other party. As you continue to bless the other
party, room is made for positive changes to happen in yourself
and the other party. When you write an unsent letter, it
demonstrates your courage and willingness, to make serious
changes in a difficult situation. . WRITING A DIALOGUE: Writing
an imagined or real conversation you had with the other party,
can help let out some of your anger. It’s useful to put words or
images to your feelings. Start your dialogue with two voices,
the letter "A" (for your voice) and "B" (for the other person’s
voice). Be sure to allow both voices time to speak. Don’t worry
about writing a perfect dialogue. Use as much detail as you can.
Your descriptive skills will improve with each unsent letter
that you write. For example, if I feel my anger burning like
fire, then I would want to say "I’m burning up over this
situation." If I am feeling a sense of resentment (something
deep, quiet and very intense, that never quite goes away, then I
might say, "I’m really frustrated about _______ now, can we talk
about it for a few minutes?" Remember that no intense feeling is
worth ignoring. It’s much better to express your feelings a few
at a time, than to pay the price of those same feelings causing
problems for you in the future.

"I AM FEELING" STATEMENTS: Writing sentences that begin with "I
am feeling..." is a good way to verbalize all of your feelings
about a difficult situation. I want to remind you that may
express other feelings along with your anger. When you start
your journaling, focus on your anger first, then write about
your other feelings. I suggest that you write a minimum of ten
feeling statements. Put the list away. Move on to the next
exercise.

DRAW A PICTURE: Draw several pictures of your anger. All types
of drawing are allowed. Remember what I said about "My anger is
burning..." Write a visual image of your anger. I want you to use
as many senses in your picture as you can. (Note: you may also
use this exercise to visualize other strong feelings)

COMBINE WORDS AND PICTURES: Now look at your list of "I am"
sentences. Match as many of your picture(s) with your "I am
feeling" sentences as you can. (For example: I am feeling angry
about-put a picture of a fire next to the written statement.
When you are finished, circle one or two combinations that best
describe your current feelings. Be sure to write a summary
sentence about your two choices.

STARTING CLOSURE: Let’s stop and review the work you’ve already
done. You have written an initial unsent letter about your
anger. You’ve explored some of your feelings in detail. You’ve
summarized your feelings using a combination of drawing and
writing. Now write one action you could have taken to keep the
earlier situation from accelerating. Write another sentence
describing one action that the other party could have taken.
Write down one positive action you are willing to take to change
your anger expression now, remember to include a specific
completion time and date. If you pray, start praying for good to
come to the other party. I would recommend that you pray for at
least a few times a week working up to praying daily for a month
or until your strong negative feelings disappear.

Take your time working through these exercises. If you find
yourself, unable to move on to the next exercise. Then write a
short paragraph why you don’t want to move on. Take a break and
start the new exercise the next day. Look forward to celebrating
your freedom from past buried feelings.

Lael Johnson, owner of Writer's Eye Advisory Service, offers
creativity coaching services and additional writing resources.
Visit http://www.writerseye.com for more informaiton.